The fear of the past and today’s off with a blast.

Time comes quickly it seems as the light of the sun beams.

For I am the wretched lost soul of my enemy,
Yet no one can seem to read right through me.

I am th lost pain of the present wrapped in a thick infested sauce of my future,
All while the pain is so immense that the dreams of my present decorate my past.

I am the soldier that lost his way filled with disheartened dismay,
Dipped in a hatred cleanse and then brought through the spray.

What are you, what am I, when all I have left is to die.

The purified hatred and the adolescent thoughts mixed with the hallowed memory of the old man here before you.

Dreams around, dreams abound,
Dreams so loud they could touch down.

Tomorrow’s here, I need you near,
Tomorrows come too slowly I fear.

Dreams so loud, yet they make no sound,
I only want to be with the dream I found.

So real, so much I feel,
As if happiness were valuables to steal.

I need you now, figure out somehow,
Tomorrow is to slow, soon I vow.

A box full of random things, some old, some very old,
Some dusty and decayed and others stained and played.

What’s in a box of filled with dreams of the future,
Items of the past, candy and fruit and a Mt. Dew blast.

Simple things she says,
If she only knew, how simple I was to get through.

A box filled with hope,
A box filled with soot and elephants afoot.

A box of future, past and present,
My love in her hands, with a simple box where I stand.

She doesn’t know what it means,
I have no way to say, just smile and look her way.

A box of memories,
To remember she is here, she has done it I fear.

A box full of emotion,
I have cried my first tears in years.

From love we can feel death. The slow overtaking feeling that the one you love could leave or decide not to love, the encompassing thought of the unknown, the belief that all will end when the love is no more and the emptiness consumes.

Through my life I have believed in love, believed in the magic that surrounds and the mystery of what happens when you have love and feel it in a place that no words describe and no illustration can depict.

I have felt the underbelly of loneliness, played with the children of the dark, even entered in to the dark society of hatred. I have felt the emptiness that follows the bliss and I have even embraced the dark hardened core of my heart.

I thought I was done, I knew I was finished. Although what we know and feel has a funny way of playing games in our darkest emotions only to realize we are not done, and as often and true as we try we are children of love and that love will never escape the darkest desires to be alone and in never ending solitude.

Through this past week I have been to both sides and back again. Feeling the love in my soul to having it ripped out only to learn a hard lesson which involved more love than less love then no love. I am the subject of my ramblings today, as I believe to the core of my soul, I have learned my greatest lesson. There are no absolutes. No matter how we, or I may try to halt the love and the thoughts I have about her. She has never escaped my mind. She has never been lost from my thoughts. She has never been… gone.

I sit here now and write the realizations of my heart and think of the future with cautious carelessness. I think of the past and the road that brought me to this present. I think of the influences, the loves, the losses, the dreams, the crushed memories and all the hurt I still harness inside to fuel my disbelief and sadness moving toward tomorrow. I dream of the day when the confusion can end, the laughter can resume, the void filled and the emptiness captured and run off to the asylum from where it belongs.

I am the thought of tomorrow. The dream of yesterday. And for the moment I am filled with an enthusiastic smile that will take me to her and remember I am in love with her and she is in love with me and for the moment I halt my sore misery and saddness from wandering the planks of the unknown and stopping my horrible thoughts from entering my well trained mind, heart and let my soul be free in what is her love, dreams and let her complete me without hesitation.

I am in Love with her and I am unable and more importantly unwilling to change that.

Wanderer where are you now,
Trapped another one, you did somehow.

Whispering quietly you sneak I fear,
Yet I know your footsteps, you I hear.

Following the scent like a bloodhound,
you creep effortlessly without a sound.

Yet I know your game and the lies you tell,
Poor pitiful fool with sad stories to sell.

Take what you will and dig your hole,
My death is creeping closer this I know.

For I am what was and what hasn’t been,
I am all that you haven’t and none of your sin.

I will stand here and try to cry,
yet nothing you do will break my stride.

Wanderer where have you gone,
I have just begun to sing you my song.

Soft and gentle it is you know,
yet there are hidden riddles in the words I sow.

Take what you want and leave with my soul,
Better to die now before I grow too old.

Does a falling tree really make a sound,
If there is no one around?

Does the heart really ache,
When we sleep and are not awake?

Does time really go slower or faster,
Depending on the disaster?

So many emotions I feel tonight,
Wonder if I really can end this fight.

Too many dreams have come and gone,
Could this really be the end of my lonely song.

Trusted memories of an untrusted past,
While I trusted them and got kicked in the ass.

I can only hope that this is the time,
Pray that we come through this thorny vine.

Only time will tell and the distance will fall,
I really hope she still loves me at the end of this all.

Just a little Christmas twist,
to show the love and what I miss.

I miss the way she looks in my eyes,
the way she touches, sounds and sighs.

On Christmas day I would have like to have been,
Although fate has a way of sucking you in.

Too far apart on this day in winter,
Too far away to tell her I miss her.

Too many times I have poured my heart,
This time too, oh, where do I start.

I committed too much already in this year of thought,
Provoked the demons and prodded what they taught.

I listened to my heart and opened it all up,
Watch how I partake and fill my cup.

Acting with out thought and as if I wasn’t crippled,
Yet crying like a baby, just pass me the nipple.

Funny, you say, in this rhyme I write,
Yet you have no idea how hard I fight.

Trying not to fall in this day of light,
and trying not drown, maybe wake up tonight.

On this Christmas day of frozen wonder,
Let the love come through and the hatred slumber.

You think I write this poem in haste,
Yet you have no idea what I have inside or how it tastes.

Deep in thought you say you are,
Yet, have you stepped back for a second to see how far.

How long has it been since you looked around,
Waiting for all my happiness to be torn down.

So let’s try to end this thought on a happy note,
I am sure we could ignore it and just vote.

One for happy, three for all,
Four for sadness, eight settles it all.

Although there is no vote for the happiness I feel,
Just her driving and shifting through the gears.

So have a Merry Christmas and good cheer,
While I sit here and question without a sneer.

So far away, yet so near to my heart,
Counting down before it breaks off the chart.

I thought I was in love with you.

Then the time swept on and the distance caved in.

I thought I was in love with you.

Then you did what you did and now you are my light.

I thought was in love with you.

Then I realized love is nothing but a word.

I though I was in love with you.

And now, there are no words to describe the feeling I have or the hole in my chest when I leave. You are a part of me. You are my life.

I thought I was in love with you.

Now, I am lost without your touch, frightened without your thought, feeble without your strength and dead without your life.

I thought I was in love with you.

Now I know.

Lost in love,
that crazy little place.

A gift from above,
or a punch square in the face.

Seems so different,
yet tries to be the same.

Suddenly there are secrets,
Lets begin the game.

Too many times,
The secrets piled before.

Why pile them,
You could just shut the door.

Go back to reality,
And sink in my pain.

Although this time
I know it would stain.

I have touched the one,
and now I am trapped.

To move on, let go,
Or stay pinned to the mat.

In my mind I know,
I need to let go.

She is different she says,
So I should let her know.

I am here for the winter,
Spring, Summer and Fall.

Then times it by 77,
I am ready for the ‘all’

Although I don’t like secrets,
They are nasty to the core.

All they can do is hurt,
Leave you wondering and sore.

I may be dwelling,
on something so tiny.

Although I can’t help it,
I have never felt this piney.

In love, seems so trival,
To this mountain I feel.

Too many dreams broken,
It’s the past I want to seal.

Will you be with me,
When I am old and decrepit?

Or is this a ride,
let’s see where we stop it.

I am all that I am,
And you are my light.

Please don’t leave me,
out in the cold dark night.

So I am done,
with this little rhyme.

Only God knows,
The rest will see over time.

I hope I see you,
At the end of my ride.

With you forever,
Now that’s worth it this time.

Today it seems I am all that I can be,
Without you I have limits to what I can see.

One day changed my life and suddenly I am addicted,
You are the drug and without you near I am conflicted.

Lost in my dreams of you wondering about tomorrow,
Will it be all that I dream or end in complete sorrow?

Only you can be the answer, only you are the cure,
In this life I am blind and have never felt so pure.

Will you be my forever happily ever after,
Or will you bring the TNT to end this in disaster?

I am face value, I have nothing to hide and no skeletons to share,
And suddenly you are in control with all that I am and all the scare.

All that I am is suddenly in the palm of your hand,
Will you show me tomorrow or let me slip like sand?