What am I
I thought I was here to save someones tear,
I realize now theres only fear and I should not be here.
What is this thing we call forever,
when tomorrow comes so quickly theres only never.
I loved, I lived beyond my years,
and now I’m not sure who to save the tears.
Tomorrow may come yet the day is the same,
I awake to that song playing and dancing the game.
No rhyme or reason I have in my heart,
Just all these memories that tear me apart.
So laugh one last time and move on,
For this heart is hardened now and I have a different song.
No more trying, I am done with that,
I played the game well, it’s time to hang my hat.
I am the memory in your head with no face,
And darkness is all I am and has filled my space.
Lord forgive me, I need to move fast,
And praying to you is a fear of my past.
You should have killed me way back when,
it would have looked like an accident then.
I have lived long past you ever intended,
Now you listen, I am done pretending.
I have grown old from death passing me by,
No one knows but you, why I can’t cry.
I am the heart that does not lie,
and we both know I can’t die.
Although that mistake ends here,
I have prayed to you and adhered.
Although you still keep me around,
yet in my memories I only drown.
Time for me to move past this curse,
Win this fight and claim my purse.
My death is all that’s left, we have been here before,
And you stopped me then when I woke up sore.
I need to be released from this life long pain,
it started at three when you showed me your game.
For 34 years I have known your shame,
And this time I will not listen or behave.
You kept me alive all these years,
Even when I died you brought me here.
I have met the devil, I know your fear,
Lord let me go, the end please be near.
The devil has waited long enough,
I know he has had me before and wants back his stuff.
Lord you know I cannot stay,
I need to go back to the where I came.
I have died before I know death well,
Let me lay down and awake in hell.
I know it’s what I deserve for what I have done,
what I have seen and did with that gun.
I have been through a war and here I stand,
Ready to face death and die like a man.
This is the last time I ask it to be true,
Let my soul move on and my body finally go through.
I have tried so many times,
yet you keep me here paying for my crimes.
Was it so bad what I did?
I was young, only a kid.
Only you and me know the truth,
Yet I am still here and you are too.
Lord I know your face, we have talked so often,
Time for you to let me die off then.
Stop this pain and let me pass through,
There is nothing more time to go to.
So I pray one more time, allow me to die,
Don’t save me anymore finally say goodbye.
I know I have been your little survival game,
see how much I can endure and keep me the same.
Although my mind has filled up and there is too much pain,
Lord let me end this prayer with, please end this game.
Amen
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