Why am I not Worth it?
I guess that is the question I am left with. The question that kept me awake last night and will not allow me to begin my day. The question that simply makes me hurt more now than I have ever hurt before.
I write all about my feelings, poetry, short stories, quick little blurbs, all of them, how I felt in the very moment I wrote them. Even the memories I write of in riddles are pain.
Nothing compares to this though.
I thought I knew hurt, I thought I knew pain.
No.
Realizing I am not worth the effort to go out of the way to make a statement, point, something, anything…..
I think it’s worse, the realization, I was not, am not, worth anything more than a phone call. Yet someone new gets the attention and risk and they are in the same city.
I know I should not be surprised. This has happened before, when I was five minutes away.
I guess I just didn’t expect to feel so worthless like I now realize I am and worse, to someone I felt and, now I realize, obviously feel so much more for.
I am worthless.
Truth.
Proven.
Now to try and live with worthlessness.
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