Growing Up
Life rolls on and I feel the wave of panic rush over my heart.
Have I grown too old to love have I used all the love in my earlier years.
Life it seems has really passed me by.
I used to dream of loving you and holding you every second of the day.
Now I dream of my end and where I will be, wondering how much longer I have.
Life, my eternal punishment.
I used to have so many ways to make you happy, although you never had the time.
Now I think of our conversations as another way you choose to use me while I whither further away.
My life has been a joke with laughter for all that know me.
I used have a pain deep in my soul wanting and yearning to be closer to you.
Now I wonder how much of your attention I really have and if I am the only one.
Although in my life it just doesn’t matter anymore.
I used to worry about you non-stop wanting to be the one to take care of you.
Now I realize you are the one that needs to take care of you, you are incapable of letting anyone in.
Now in my maturity I realize it was a futile effort because I never held any keys for your invisible lock.
I used to want to just stop, forget the world and even if for a moment and let it be you and I.
Now I look back at how foolish I was and realize what I wanted was just foolishness and I needed to grow up.
Seems in this life, I have grown up and now feel nothing, is that what growing up is all about?
I used to, now I don’t. I forgot how. Love left, pain consumed. And this adult is all that is left behind.
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